i had a big idea
i had a crazy eye
i broke the sacred seal
i told a lazy lie
i've had my conscience bent
i've had my patience tried
i've been up in the desert and
down by the riverside

will the eagle fly
if the sky's untrue?

do the faithful sigh
because they are so few?

remember when i cried?
remember when you knew?
remember the look in your eyes?
i know i do

and count the stars to measure time
the earth is hard, the treasure fine
to the sea, ill crawl on my knees

feel it coming in
feel it going out
water covers sand
blood covers doubt
so i begin again
again, the healing bow
there was a time when i might have surrendered, but not now

consult the cards to measure mine
the earth is hard, but the treasure fine
at the sea, ill wait on my knees
at the sea, ill wait on my knees
at the sea, ill wait on my knees

Dig, Jars of Clay

****

so I took this week off from people because i needed perspective. it's a strange thing to detox yourself of entanglements--to pull yourself (or just be pulled) out of all the little hectic social constructs and demands and games and remember who you are away from everyone else, and especially away from the ambitions you have when you are with people. it's like i've become someone completely different, and i'm starting to question a lot of the choices i've made this semester, this year--choices of priorities and goals and worst of all, i think, ambition and and the choice to take a stance of control.

i don't really know what to think; just that it's too easy to get lost in the sea of demands and the conflicting claims of a thousand games and obligations that come in community; i needed to gain some perspective and God gave me the chance to do that this week. it's odd sometimes how only being crippled or broken can make you do that.

well. i'm back. sort of. you never know when i'll get that crazy glint in my eyes and escape to the hills with a pack of ramen and a sleeping bag. or just take a vow of silence. now there's an idea...